Saturday, February 11, 2012

In the beginning ...

Dear Friends and Family:

Some of you know, the majority of you do not.  In July 2008, three months after the birth of my second (and youngest) child, Jaison, I was admitted to a Psychiatric Center for Postpartum Psychosis.  That is a severe postpartum mood disorders and, truth be told, it is very scary and very lonely.  I lost my sanity, my mind was filled with false beliefs of reality and I was hearing negative voices telling me horrible things.  I was scared of people at any given time, for any given reason.  I was unsure of who to trust.  I was in and out of sanity and to “lose your mental capabilities” is very difficult to explain and to endure.

Since then, I have been getting better, though I suffered from panic attacks, severe depression and a lack of maternal instinct.  Four years later, I have completely changed, I am better.  I am no longer depressed.  A panic attack is possible, but I haven’t had any in some time.  I love my children dearly.  I love my husband immensely.  My family supported me every step of the way and without them and my spiritual brothers and sisters, I would probably be dead—by suicide.

This is something I can talk about now.  It took a while to accept that I had a mental illness.  I took a while to get the courage to tell others.  And it took a while for me to understand what happened.  I share my story because I want other women who are having children to be aware of this.  Be on the lookout for this.  I want their husbands and supporting cast to be aware of this.  I do not want this to happen to anyone else, though, it will.  But at least I can do my part, and let my friends know, so you can be proactive for someone you know or for yourself.

I decided to start a blog because of this.  But, this isn’t going to be a sad, gloomy, “woe is me” blog.  The focal point will not be me and my problems.  It will focus on motherhood, marriage, and much more.  I do want to strengthen new mothers and fathers and just let my story be known, so others can take something from it and help another person.  Not just women with postpartum issues, but anyone who suffers a mental illness, or any illness, for that matter.  And also to strengthen those that will care for them and those that love them.

Along with blogging on my illness and recovery, I (being the person I am) will also talk about whatever may come to mind, which literally can be anything.  I want to be a writer, I want to share life stories and open up about the things that go on in my head.  That can be a good thing, or bad….

If you have any questions, or comments, I will love to hear them and respond.